Another night of slaying; another night of wondering what the point of it all was.

Another night of hunting and killing, swiftly, her senses guiding her.

Another night of facing the harsh reality of it never being enough. The vampires kept coming. There was still evil in the world.

Sometimes she wasn't even sure what side she was on, whether there was any difference between her and them.

She killed. They killed. Was there a difference?

She hated herself for doing it, but she turned to Spike again. She wasn't sure whether she needed to, or whether she had just gotten into the habit of it. Whether she cared about him, or whether it was just sex. Just a quick fuck to take her mind off the hell that was her life.

Why had they brought her back, anyway? Why? Selfish, selfish, selfish . . . She hated them and loved them at the same time.

His mouth was firm on hers, cold but certainly not lifeless. His hands knew how to touch her, exactly what she liked.

Maybe not just a quick fuck. There was a reason she kept coming back to him. He knew how to make her feel good.

Suck my mouth
Suck my pain away
Inhale me
Inhale all my life
Perverted love on the other side
I am naked before you
Look at me
You came for me
I pray to you
You are in me . . .

He knew how to make her forget. In his arms, where the world was reduced to purely physical feeling, there was nothing but pleasure and pain, with a blurry line between.

He knew her. No one else did. No one else could possibly understand her.

She didn't want it to be like this. She didn't want to be the sort of person that only a defanged vampire could understand.

But when she felt him inside her, knowing her, wanting her, having her . . . she didn't care.

You are my religion
You are my religion
I'm loving you
You're loving me
You are my religion
You are my religion
I'm touching you
You're touching me . . .

Of course, afterwards - afterwards, she usually turned away. She was as cold as his skin. Once she'd gotten what she needed, she just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

This night was different. She couldn't think of anything that set this night apart from any other. It was just a fraction of a second that made the difference. Just a fraction of a second late to turn away from Spike in disgust.

She looked into his eyes, and found herself unable to turn away. The only word she could think to describe him was haunted.

She stayed close to him, her arms encircling his lean body.

His hold on her tightened.

Intoxicated with your breath
My eyes close
I am a mess
Starving and cold and I need your love . . .
You keep me real
You lift me up
Prayer soft
(I am in love)
Devotee of your immortal love

She didn't want to let go. Ever.

It wasn't going to be a problem. Spike had no intention of letting her go, either.

You are my religion . . .