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Dear Giles
By Red

Dear Giles,

I know that I should not be writing this, but I can't stop my hands. They are tired of wiping the tears away, night after night when I cry myself to sleep. It has become a ritual for me. Why? I cry, Giles, because of you, because when I lie down in my bed, you are not there. My heart weeps into the darkness that is now it's home.

My hands, they ache to touch you. Your beautiful face, your strong body. How many times I have bumped into you on purpose, just so I could feel you against me. I can still feel the warmth that covered me when, for a brief moment, we were one. I don't even have to close my eyes. I can feel it now, eyes wide open, sitting here in the library with other students.

That's how powerful you are to me. I have no need for seclusion or isolation. You are with me wherever I go. And as I sit here, in the UCS library, I can't help but remember Sunnydale High. Everyone just assumed that I loved being research gal, and I did. But more than that, I loved you.

I would watch you, while you hurried about looking for this book or that book. I imagined what it would be like living with you, being your wife. There was no library, there were no books. You were in the kitchen, making tea that you would then serve to me in bed. Or, straightening up after we made love on the living room floor.

And when you would train with Buffy, I imagined all the different ways that I could get you hot and sweaty. I actually surprised myself a few times. You never won, but you weren't supposed to. If you had, then you weren't doing your job. Yet, day after day, you stood face to face with your Slayer, taking everything she threw at you, then coming back for more. You were so sexy. Sometimes, when I'd watch you, my heart would beat so fast, I was afraid it would just explode.

Like it's doing right now.

I'm not a kid anymore. I'm in college now, but does that really matter? Before I left high school, I had lost a best friend to vampires and nearly became one myself. I not only saw monsters, but I faced them on a daily basis. I fell in love with a werewolf, faced my evil twin and spent my graduation day fighting off a giant snake, not to mention his vampire minions. I went from few friends to best friends with the Slayer. I nearly died more times than I care to remember.

Yet none of that compares to this. The pain that rips through my heart every time I tell you good night and walk out of the Magic Box. The longing that overwhelms me whenever that crisp, British accent floods my ears. The fire that consumes my body at the mere thought of you. The pain of waking up alone.

As I said before, no longer a kid. I'm a woman now. I no longer have an excuse for keeping my feelings a secret. You can't turn me down because you're a teacher figure. That's what I would always use to deal with the way I felt. Giles is like a teacher, your teacher, with the older and you being not yet eighteen, blah, blah, blah. But now, that's all changed. And it's no longer an excuse.

You're probably going to laugh when you read this. Or say, 'sweet little Willow ', isn't she adorable with her little crush. I hope you don't do either. Well, adorable isn't bad, but in the, cute like a puppy way, it is. You see, this isn't a cute little crush.

I love you. I'm in love with you. I want to make love to you and with you. I need to have you inside of me, taking me and making me yours. I need you to know every inch of my body. I need you to know it and love it. I need you to tie me down and devour me. To free the passion that's begging for release. And I want to do the same to you.

I need you, Giles. I am in love with you, Giles.

Willow