Caritas was having a mellow night, which was just fine with its Host,
Lorne. It was too early in the evening, just past dusk, for evil.
His favorite warrior for the Powers That Be had brought in his crew
for some fun, along with a big surprise - a wife. And what a pretty
and powerful little thing she was. Lorne had liked Willow immediately.
It was evident that she was responsible for his big hunk of brood
being less of a downer. Angel actually smiled and laughed.
"This is fun." Fred grinned. She bounced in her chair to the out of
tune warbling of some college kids who had thought they had wandered
into a costume karaoke bar. The shy librarian had downed the first two
drinks the reader demon had put in front of her and she was feeling
floaty. It was nice. Fred giggled.
"You're right, this is fun, Fred, and I think you've had enough drinks
with alcohol." Cordelia grinned back. They didn't have many relaxing,
uneventful nights and so far this was turning out to be one. As soon
as she had that thought, Cordelia gave the table top a light rap. It
looked like wood.
"So, who's going to sing me a song?" Lorne teased the group. They only
partook of his reading ability in cases of dire emergency and for that
he was thankful. Although he wouldn't have minded getting a glimpse
at the redheaded witch's future. Alas, she joined in on the chorus of
'no's' and groans going around the table.
"If you insist, I guess I could do my rendition of Mandy for you."
Angel laughed as Cordelia and Gunn playfully shoved him back down into
his seat.
"Hey, don't gang up on my man," Willow protested. She wrapped her arms
around Angel protectively. "I don't think I've ever heard you sing,
Angel. I bet you're wonderful."
Cordelia snorted. "If you think that after hearing him sing, then love
is definitely deaf as well as blind."
"I'm afraid she's right, Ionuin. I'm terrible." Angel kissed Willow.
A sudden lull in karaoke participants prompted the bartender to flip a
CD into the sound system. A soft, romantic tune filtered through the
muted conversation. Angel stood up and offered Willow his hand.
"How about we dance instead?"
As Angel led Willow to the dance floor, Lorne joined the rest at the
table. Gunn saw his chance to hold Cordelia and he stood up and held
out a hand to her. "That looks like a good idea, would you like to
dance, Princess?"
"I would love to." Cordelia jumped up. She and Gunn joined Willow and
Angel on the dance floor.
Watching the swaying couples, Lorne shook his head. "If I weren't
witnessing this with my own ruby reds, I wouldn't believe it. I
thought Angel had passed up his chance with the witch."
"What?" Wesley paused from taking a drink with his glass halfway to
his lips. "Did you see this happening when Angel sang?"
"I saw her, but it looked like the past, not the future. It looked
like something he had given up and after getting to know the tragic
one, it seemed like something he would do."
"When Angel was in Sunnydale, Willow restored his soul. It created a
connection between them and he shut it down and moved to Los Angeles
because of Buffy, the vampire slayer." Wesley shook his head at the
tragedy of the situation. Angel had given up a love that was meant to
be for one that never should have happened. As a former watcher,
Wesley had never been able to understand how a slayer and a vampire
could develop feelings for each other. It was a foreign concept, even
if the vampire in question had a soul.
"It wasn't Buffy," Fred softly corrected Wesley's interpretation of
past events. She had never met Buffy and had no idea of what her and
Angel's relationship had been, but she knew Angel. She had been with
him when his darkness had overtaken him in Pylea. He had confronted
the monster that lived inside of him and it had almost broken him.
"Angel left because he believed he didn't deserve to be connected to
Willow." Fred briefly met Wesley and then Lorne's shocked stares
before looking to her new friends out on the dance floor. Angel was
holding Willow close, a slight smile on his face. This was the good
that had come out of their experiences in that horrible place.
The music changed, but it was another slow song, so Angel pulled Willow
closer. Her head rested on his chest and her arms wrapped comfortably
around his neck. He could hold her forever. Angel still marveled at
the fact that she was still with him after what Darla had told her.
It had hurt Willow terribly that he had been with someone else, he
could feel it through the link, but despite that she had forgiven him.
Now he could work on wiping that hurt away.
"I love you, Ionuin. Only you," Angel whispered into her hair.
"I know." Willow looked up at him. "I can feel it. I know it's silly,
but sometimes it's like I can feel you in my heart, my mind, my soul.
It's probably just my imagination." She trailed her fingers down his
cheek.
It was time to tell her. Angel wanted Willow to know about the link so
she could know him like he knew her. He wanted her to get more than
just fleeting peeks into his soul. "It's not your imagination. We're
connected through the soul restoration. Close your eyes." He wasn't
going to hold anything back. He was going to communicate his love for
Willow through their link. Angel started with a kiss, he didn't want
to bombard Willow with his emotions and possibly scare her. She opened
up immediately, their tongues caressed and her love for him flowed
through the link straight to his soul, filling him with a warmth that
an internal body temperature couldn't emulate. He prepared himself to
offer her the same experience. This was much harder for him, he had
never given himself so totally to another person before, not as a human
or a vampire.
"Willow!" The shocked and hurt gasp of his former love pulled Willow
away from Angel before he could let her in. Buffy stood by the bar
with Spike right behind her.
"What are you doing here?" Cordelia sent Angel a panicked look. So
far Willow looked okay. She had a slight frown on her face as she
contemplated Buffy, but she didn't seem wracked with pain. Cordelia
couldn't believe that Buffy had taken such a chance and had showed up
here. Buffy was fixated on Willow and Angel and there would be no
catching her attention to ream her out, so Cordelia pointed an accusing
finger at Spike. "How could you let her come here?"
"Hey, if you don't want people to find you, don't leave a message on
your machine telling everyone where you are." Spike glared back at the
cheerleader. They couldn't blame him for this, he had tried to stop
Buffy. She was just too stubborn. Too in love with Angel.
"That was for people who need our help." Gunn put his arm around
Cordelia's shoulders. Most of what he had heard about the slayer had
come from Cordelia so he hadn't actually thought that Buffy was the
bitch goddess incarnate, but he knew that not even Cordelia thought she
would be selfish enough to risk Willow's life. Obviously, they were
wrong and this pissed Gunn off. He had come to love and admire Willow
in the short time he had known her. He admired her courage - she had
proven that she didn't back down from a fight - and he loved her
because his friends did and she was a female who was actually good for
Angel.
The two girls stared at each other. Angel didn't know what to do. He
knew what he wanted to do - he wanted to get Willow the hell out of
there, take her back to the hotel and make sure that the only person
she was thinking of was him - but it was too late for that. Beneath
the confusion he could feel through the link, Angel felt Willow's
flicker of recognition. "Buffy?" Willow took a faltering step forward
and then paused. Again her confusion clouded their link and Angel
reached for her. Shock, sadness, and panic flared through the link
and then it was gone. All of it. The link shut down. He was
completely cut off from Willow's emotions. "You're alive. The spell
worked." There was no hesitation think time as she walked to Buffy
and hugged her.
"Willow." Buffy hugged her best friend back, squeezing her tightly. She
was relieved that Willow was okay. When Buffy had first walked into
the strange demon bar, she had been devastated to see Willow in Angel's
arms, kissing him. The hurt and betrayal mixed with the joy and
gratitude she felt at seeing Willow alive and well. Buffy hadn't known
which emotion to focus on, but when Willow turned to look at her fear
pushed its way to the forefront. Had she done something terribly
wrong? Willow had given her her life back, would she be responsible
for Willow losing hers? Buffy wasn't used to doubting herself or her
decisions and now that Willow was okay, she knew that she had been
right. Willow had just needed to see her to get her memory back and
now everything would get back to normal. They would sort through the
Angel situation and she would forgive Willow for what had happened.
It's not like Willow had known what she was doing, there was no reason
why things couldn't go back to the way they were before. "Are you
alright, Willow?"
"I'm confused." Willow buried her face in Buffy's hair. "Where are we
and what are we going here? How did we get here from the funeral
home?"
And it was gone, just like that. Angel's perfect world where he was
loved unconditionally and could love unconditionally back disappeared
when Buffy walked through the door. Willow's confusion made it clear
that she didn't remember anything beyond arriving at the funeral home
to do the resurrection spell. She didn't remember being his wife,
living with him and being a part of his family, loving him. Willow
hadn't died when she saw Buffy again, but Angel might as well have.
Something was off. Lorne frowned. The cute red head refused to look
at anyone in the room, including the blonde who had crashed their
party. One would think that if she was just reunited with her returned
from the dead best friend that she would be overjoyed and unable to
take her eyes off her, not subdued and uncomfortable. You didn't have
to be anagogic to know that Willow wanted out of there as fast as her
cute little feet could take her. A quick glance over at Angel told
him that he was too deep in his own despondency to notice his lady
love's odd behavior. Lorne just hoped that Angel handled this better
than when he had lost Darla.
*****
Time was playing tricks on Angel. Sometimes it moved so excruciatingly
slow it seemed to take years to get through one minute and other times
it moved so fast that his weeks as Willow's husband seemed like they
happened a million years ago and not just two months. He wanted that
time back. Angel sighed and tried to focus on the file on his desk. A
family had been experiencing some hauntings in the new house they had
bought and had conveniently run into an exorcist who offered his
services. Angel had Spike out investigating the exorcist to see if he
was a fraud. Spike had decided to stay with him in L. A., much to the
consternation of his friends, instead of going back to Sunnydale with
Buffy and Willow.
"Angel." Wesley cautiously entered the office. "Cordelia just had a
vision." He backed out as Angel stood up and followed him out into the
lobby. He, Cordelia, and Gunn were still wary of Angel. It wasn't so
long ago that Angel had booted them out of his life because he had lost
the girl, and he hadn't even felt for Darla half of the love that he
had for Willow. But so far, Angel had continued on. He was subdued,
but not moody as when he had left Buffy, and he was determined in his
fight against evil, not blood thirsty and vengeful as when Darla was
turned. Angel was simply depressed and Wesley had no idea what they
could do to help. Having the bad influence of Spike hanging around
didn't help matters any either.
"What did you see, Cordelia?" Angel leaned against the front desk.
They thought he was going crack, they were waiting for it. He wished
he could reassure his friends that he wasn't going to take another trip
down the dark and winding road his demon perpetually tried to lead him
toward. Angel had a goal. He was going to continue being the warrior
for the Powers That Be, but this time he didn't want the carrot of his
eventual humanity as his driving force. He wanted Willow. If he
didn't stray and did his job as he should, then one day he would be
worthy of her love again.
*****
It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and a cool breeze ruffled
Willow's hair. Her head rested on her arms that lay on the sill of
the open window. She watched people walk by the apartment building
with disinterested eyes. All of Tara's stuff was gone, including Miss
Kitty Fantastico. Classes would start at UC Sunnydale next month and
things would go back to normal. Classes, patrol, research, practicing
witchcraft, hanging out at the magic shop. Willow would do it all.
Alone. She supposed that she could find Tara and try to renew their
relationship, but that wouldn't be fair to the other witch. Nothing
was normal. Willow loved Angel.
When Buffy had walked into Caritas, she had looked familiar to Willow
and then it had all clicked into place. All of the fuzzy memories
cleared up and Willow realized one thing. She had slept with her best
friend's ex-boyfriend. There was only one thing she could do - she
pretended not to remember being Angel's wife and loving him. It was
the only way to avoid the awkwardness. Willow didn't want to hear
Angel explain that he had made love to her to keep her mind intact.
She remembered Wesley's explanations of her memory loss and had done
some research on her own. She knew that if Angel had not kept up the
pretense of being her husband, she might have ended up back in a coma
or dead. Angel would never have risked her life. He had tried to
avoid having sex with her. Willow's face flamed and she leaned out the
window a bit more so the breeze could cool her cheeks. She had thrown
herself at Angel shamelessly. The wind wasn't helping. Willow felt
the heat spread through her body as she remembered making love with
Angel. So much for the 'gay now' theory.
A knock on the door barely registered in Willow's consciousness as she
was lost in her memories of Angel. "Willow!" Anya's voice accompanied
her knocking. "I know you're in there. I saw you at the window. You
promised to help me pick out a wedding dress."
Anya was right, she had promised. Willow pulled herself from the
window and put on her happy face. She opened the door. "Hey, Anya.
Let me grab my purse and we can go."
"Good. I told Buffy we would meet her and Dawn at the bridal boutique
in fifteen minutes."
Willow's hand stilled as she reached for her purse. Being around Buffy
was difficult. Knowing that she had betrayed her best friend in the
most horrible way possible was eating away at her. Telling Buffy that
she remembered and talking about it would only make things worse.
Willow knew what she had to do to make it up to the slayer. "We better
get going then."
The short drive over to the bridal boutique wasn't as hair raising as
usual. Anya's driving had improved since they had chased down her
troll ex and Willow hadn't really been paying attention. She was too
preoccupied with gathering her nerve to face Buffy.
"Hi, Willow. Hey, Anya, what colors have you picked for your wedding?
Because I love this dress." Buffy held up a petal pink strapless
gown.
"Yeah, she practically whacked this poor girl who tried to try it on
for her sister's wedding." Dawn rolled her eyes. She was excited about
the wedding though. She and Buffy were going to be bridesmaids, Giles
was walking Anya down the aisle, and Willow was going to be Xander's
best person. Dawn smiled at Willow. She was glad to have her back
even though she seemed unhappy. Maybe it was because Xander and Anya
were getting married and Tara was gone.
"Pink. I like pink. It's very girly." Anya looked over as the sales
lady approached them with the latest wedding dress in stock. "Oh, I'm
not a virgin. Xander and I have had sex many times."
Letting the astonished woman off the hook, Buffy intervened and took
the dress from her. "Most brides who wear white aren't virgins these
days, Anya. Why don't you try the dress on?" She grinned with
amusement at Willow as Anya left with the saleslady and got a decidedly
weak smile in return. When Willow buried her attention in a row of
multicolored satin dresses, Buffy's smile turned to a frown. Willow
had been acting oddly ever since they had returned to Sunnydale. She
was depressed melancholy and she had made no effort to find and contact
Tara. Someone who didn't know Willow as well as Buffy did would think
that she was resentful because Tara hadn't stood by her as she had done
when Tara had been sick. But Buffy did know Willow. There was some
other reason why she wasn't looking for Tara.
"Willow." Dawn hopped up on a decorative end table shaped like a
Grecian pillar. She swung her legs back and forth. "You're the best
person and Buffy and I are bridesmaids, so do you wear the same color
dress as us or different?"
"I don't know." Willow's eye was caught by an elaborate wedding dress
on one of the mannequins in the window. When she and Angel had gotten
married, she hadn't worn a traditional wedding dress. It had all
happened so fast. Willow shook her head. It hadn't happened at all.
She was not married to Angel. "It's Anya's wedding, it's her
decision."
"Why don't you go ask her, Dawn, and see if she needs any help with the
dress." Buffy yanked her sister off the pillar and gave her a 'leave us
alone' look. Dawn nodded and walked toward the dressing rooms. Buffy
needed to talk to Willow. It was frustrating the way Willow
avoided being around her and when they did get together, Willow could
barely meet her eyes. It was like she was guilty of something. Like
she had borrowed Buffy's favorite pair of leather pants without asking
and had ruined them. Or...or like she had slept with her ex-boyfriend.
Buffy sat down in one of the chairs. Willow was faking her memory
loss. She remembered everything about her time in Los Angeles as
Angel's wife. But why the charade? "Willow, we need to talk about
Angel."
Yes, they did. Willow laughed nervously and sat on the chair next to
Buffy's. She could do this. It was for Buffy and Buffy deserved to be
happy and so did Angel. "I've been meaning to bring him up. Do you
know where the Romany Book of Lost Souls is?"
"Uh, I think Giles has it. Why?"
"When I was looking up the resurrection spell, I also looked up Angel's
curse. It said that there was a way to make his soul permanent. If
we get the book from Giles then I can do the spell." Willow swallowed
hard and the rest barely made it out of her mouth. "You and Angel can
be together."
"What do you think?" Anya came out of the dressing room wearing the
wedding dress and saved Buffy from responding to Willow's stunning
declaration. Which was good, because Buffy had no idea what to say.
She hadn't expected it.
A confession. Buffy had expected Willow to confess that she remembered
everything and to plead for forgiveness, not offer to make Angel's soul
permanent. Especially since Angel's soul was already permanent. But
Willow obviously didn't know that and the reason for her fake memory
loss became suddenly clear. Willow thought the happiness clause was
still in place and that Angel hadn't been completely happy with her. A
sick, queasiness squeezed Buffy's heart. Willow wasn't avoiding her
because she had sex with Angel. Willow loved Angel.
